Things Black People Hate

A tricky one. We got Tiger but I am not too sure about him. You are playing a sport with a bunch of fat white dudes, of course  he will excel. If baseball is boring, I have to invent a new word for the abject boredom that is golf. Playing it must be hell, watching it even worse, reading about I might as well be dead.

Nuff said

Golf...

I went to the bookstore and saw about a hundred dumb books on golf. Why waste the paper?

Black People will never understand anyone’s passion for this game. Tiger just saw an opportunity and is probably laughing all of the way to the bank.  Maybe if Wu-tang started playing, it could be slightly interesting to watch, but until then we hate it.

Everyone but me hates her. Outside of Clarence Thomas, there has been no more polarizing black political figure then Condoleezza Rice. She is someone who is so at odds with the plight of black people (or maybe humans) that it seems she might be from another planet.

But there is a twisted part of me that is so attracted to this woman that is so utterly ruthless in her goals and her pure ambition.

Condoleezza Rice

Plus, she always pulls out that she was playmates with one of the victims of a civil rights bombing. I bet she was just as bad as a little girl. No one wanted to play with her!

But Condy, can I call you that? I believe we can make a life together and leave it all behind us. “I love you, Condy”. So much that I am in physical pain. One day, One day.

We are old school with our drugs. X, Oxycontin, Crystal-Meth are for suckers. Give us the good stuff: heroin, crack, coke.

Candy Raver (uses X)

Crack Head. Nuff Said

Everything else is boring and not dangerous enough. You could make a case for crystal but the havoc wrecked on our communities from the major drugs we like pales in comparsion to what is happening in the heartland.

Growing up in Roxbury, I got a front row seat to that show.

Yankee Stadium - We aint there...!

I don’t like sports at all but have noticed that the brothers and sisters don’t talk about one sport in particular. Baseball. We can play but we hate it. Especially cause it is boring as hell.

My dad, when he was alive, would take me to Fenway with thousands of drunk Irish guys all named Sully.

The only interesting thing about baseball is that they keep records on everything but it is really kind of lame.

Don’t believe the haterade? Do this test: look in the stands at the next game you watch, what don’t you see = BLACK PEOPLE.

Point proven!

We hate terrorists. As far as I am concerned, I am not part of the Great Satan’s imperialist plan for world domination. A lot of us are worse off than you so leave us out of it!

Terrorists

The Great Satan

As well,I don’t think any of us have a stake in the Golan Heights or the Gaza Strip. And I will be damned if I get caught in a terrorist act. Plus I noticed they would never attack Roxbury (where I am from with the accent and everything), the Boogie Down, Compton or the Swass cause we don’t play that shit.

Besides if a bomb went off in Roxbury, maybe no-one would notice.