Notice the non-black hand...!

The Moron

There is just something not right about iPhones.

I haven’t seen one black person with one since they came out. I think they are hard to use and plus you look like an moron swiping and turning it around. I can’t believe people stood in line to get their hands on one of these. Waiting for a new tennis shoe at Niketown sure but iPhones? Not for the brothers.

I tried to use one once and ended up calling my annoying ex-girlfriend. That’s reason enough to hate it. Plus, there are a billion apps for it that are pretty pointless. I can barely pay my phone bill why would I pay for a dumb application?

I like my blackberry why because I am black and don’t forget it!

Country Band

No brothers and sisters to be found...

I do admit it has similar themes to our lives: drinking, heartbreak, drugs, beating, family troubles,etc. But damn it is so corny!  Everyone is dressed like a cowboy with weird beards and somehow they think they are cool.  You might be cool in Nashville but come to Roxbury and we will tell you a different story.

Don’t believe me just work it into a conversation with a black person and ask “who is your favoritecountry singer?”…………………… Blank stare, unless they live in Nashville and God help the brothers and sisters that live there, it must be hell!

Nuff said

Golf...

I went to the bookstore and saw about a hundred dumb books on golf. Why waste the paper?

Black People will never understand anyone’s passion for this game. Tiger just saw an opportunity and is probably laughing all of the way to the bank.  Maybe if Wu-tang started playing, it could be slightly interesting to watch, but until then we hate it.

But there is a twisted part of me that is so attracted to this woman that is so utterly ruthless in her goals and her pure ambition.

Condoleezza Rice

Plus, she always pulls out that she was playmates with one of the victims of a civil rights bombing. I bet she was just as bad as a little girl. No one wanted to play with her!

But Condy, can I call you that? I believe we can make a life together and leave it all behind us. “I love you, Condy”. So much that I am in physical pain. One day, One day.

Candy Raver (uses X)

Crack Head. Nuff Said

Everything else is boring and not dangerous enough. You could make a case for crystal but the havoc wrecked on our communities from the major drugs we like pales in comparsion to what is happening in the heartland.

Growing up in Roxbury, I got a front row seat to that show.

Yankee Stadium - We aint there...!

I don’t like sports at all but have noticed that the brothers and sisters don’t talk about one sport in particular. Baseball. We can play but we hate it. Especially cause it is boring as hell.

My dad, when he was alive, would take me to Fenway with thousands of drunk Irish guys all named Sully.

The only interesting thing about baseball is that they keep records on everything but it is really kind of lame.

Don’t believe the haterade? Do this test: look in the stands at the next game you watch, what don’t you see = BLACK PEOPLE.

Point proven!

Terrorists

The Great Satan

As well,I don’t think any of us have a stake in the Golan Heights or the Gaza Strip. And I will be damned if I get caught in a terrorist act. Plus I noticed they would never attack Roxbury (where I am from with the accent and everything), the Boogie Down, Compton or the Swass cause we don’t play that shit.

Besides if a bomb went off in Roxbury, maybe no-one would notice.

Jeffrey Dahmer

Charles Manson

Dennis Rader "The BTK Killer"

Don’t trust me just Google: BLACK SERIAL KILLERS. Two things might come up that D.C. Sniper and Wayne Williams.

• We all know Wayne Williams didn’t kill anybody. He was geeky and weird but was no killer.
• D.C. sniper was killing people to cover up the planned murder of his wife, so I can’t count that as serial killing.

We don’t wake up in the morning and say “hmmm… let me just kill someone just to do it and then eat them“. Not our style. I am not saying we have anything against killing a lot of people cause I know there are a bunch of brothers out there with maybe 60-70 murders under their belts, but, you know and I know, it was probably all business and never personal.

The New York Times doesn’t have comics and they are concerned more about things white people like. I think they should have a guest editor like Skip Gates or even better Kanye West just to keep it interesting.

New York Times

They have some great articles but, guess what, the brothers ain’t reading it.  Again, another test, go to the brother or sister in your office and ask “DID YOU SEE THIS IN THE TIMES?”  the answer will always be “NO!”

Prison

Prison is pretty terrible.

I will be damned if my ass is going to prison cause I am not a number and I am not going to a cell block.  Please see previous post about The Police.