Things Black People Hate

Notice the non-black hand...!

The Moron

There is just something not right about iPhones.

I haven’t seen one black person with one since they came out. I think they are hard to use and plus you look like an moron swiping and turning it around. I can’t believe people stood in line to get their hands on one of these. Waiting for a new tennis shoe at Niketown sure but iPhones? Not for the brothers.

I tried to use one once and ended up calling my annoying ex-girlfriend. That’s reason enough to hate it. Plus, there are a billion apps for it that are pretty pointless. I can barely pay my phone bill why would I pay for a dumb application?

I like my blackberry why because I am black and don’t forget it!

Recently this one has come up due to someone inviting me to see a country music show in Boston. Even the crazy Irish people here don’t like country music.

Country Band

No brothers and sisters to be found...

I do admit it has similar themes to our lives: drinking, heartbreak, drugs, beating, family troubles,etc. But damn it is so corny!  Everyone is dressed like a cowboy with weird beards and somehow they think they are cool.  You might be cool in Nashville but come to Roxbury and we will tell you a different story.

Don’t believe me just work it into a conversation with a black person and ask “who is your favoritecountry singer?”…………………… Blank stare, unless they live in Nashville and God help the brothers and sisters that live there, it must be hell!

A tricky one. We got Tiger but I am not too sure about him. You are playing a sport with a bunch of fat white dudes, of course  he will excel. If baseball is boring, I have to invent a new word for the abject boredom that is golf. Playing it must be hell, watching it even worse, reading about I might as well be dead.

Nuff said

Golf...

I went to the bookstore and saw about a hundred dumb books on golf. Why waste the paper?

Black People will never understand anyone’s passion for this game. Tiger just saw an opportunity and is probably laughing all of the way to the bank.  Maybe if Wu-tang started playing, it could be slightly interesting to watch, but until then we hate it.

Everyone but me hates her. Outside of Clarence Thomas, there has been no more polarizing black political figure then Condoleezza Rice. She is someone who is so at odds with the plight of black people (or maybe humans) that it seems she might be from another planet.

But there is a twisted part of me that is so attracted to this woman that is so utterly ruthless in her goals and her pure ambition.

Condoleezza Rice

Plus, she always pulls out that she was playmates with one of the victims of a civil rights bombing. I bet she was just as bad as a little girl. No one wanted to play with her!

But Condy, can I call you that? I believe we can make a life together and leave it all behind us. “I love you, Condy”. So much that I am in physical pain. One day, One day.

We are old school with our drugs. X, Oxycontin, Crystal-Meth are for suckers. Give us the good stuff: heroin, crack, coke.

Candy Raver (uses X)

Crack Head. Nuff Said

Everything else is boring and not dangerous enough. You could make a case for crystal but the havoc wrecked on our communities from the major drugs we like pales in comparsion to what is happening in the heartland.

Growing up in Roxbury, I got a front row seat to that show.